Just cropdusted the office
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
