Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
