Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
