worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
