just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
