In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
