He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
sarcasm needs its own font
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
