I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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