That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
