better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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