Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
