Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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