I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
