You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you would pick up someone in the library
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
