I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
