You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
