She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
