He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
