Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
