She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
