she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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