i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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