my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
