I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
