Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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