My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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