i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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