omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
