At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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