There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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