She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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