The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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