I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
