We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
