My friends, they love my intelligence
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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