But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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