Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
