so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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