is your mom at the bar?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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