guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
