My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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