i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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