The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
