The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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