My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
