Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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