It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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