I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
