id be glad to
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
