dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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