idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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