her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
