Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
