Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
