we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
