I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
