My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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