Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
