How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
