I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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