Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
