hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
