dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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