i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
