Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
