either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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