Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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