with your own penis?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
