you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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