Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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