Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
