pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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