Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
