The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
