I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
