I think scott just propositioned me for sex
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
